speaking the words i’d heard in my head
in a language once familiar: we can’t just…
casually pretend to collect our things
we can’t keep slowly creeping towards
the words are a weight
because i know them true;
cross luck off my list
closure came right through my window
& i found myself thanking the sky quietly how i
was able to experience what i could
before i gave it away.
i fell in love with a boy i thought was my whole world
but i was wrong;
he was my whole universe.
you had the ability
to make the time stand still,
but i’m a little stumbly so
i got stuck in between the lines:
so swallowed by regret
everything reminds me of what could’ve been.
i’m collecting stories of
things i never did,
buying bookshelves to display pictures of places
i’ve never been,
& ones i don’t remember.
the girl in the photos is a stranger,
but she kinda looks like me.
feel like i’m missing
something once forgot
but i fear
it’s already gone,
so instead i block it out;
sideways glances & secret thoughts we shared
you spoke whispered words
as i watched the fire
& tried to keep my stomach still
from spilling into the flames
or spurting out
like mist into the night sky —
i was successful.
a quick note scribbled on blue-lined-paper
left on your windshield with a kiss call me sometime
with a couple other dangerous things
you called that night
told me you were flattered but attached & you’d give me a call sometime
i shrugged you off; it was worth a shot & i forgot
until you called me
two weeks later.
watching your little car park on my street
my soul screamed
but not as loud as it did when we were all done
with the bitter realization that
i should have kept you
in my dreams,
where you were better.