the beginning.

the Knowing gets underneath my skin & sticks
to the places I can’t wash off.

crusted yesterdays are deep beneath my nails,
blurring colors I can’t describe
& can’t recall.

beneath all this rests
words I cannot find.

I sit
& let my shoulders settle down beneath my collarbones
for the first time.


one-way ticket to reality.

a thousand times i told you
a thousand times it made no sense to say
this is what i wished for
this shroud of normalcy too simple
for the girl with kaleidoscope skin.

two years all-inclusive
vacation from reality
a thousand trips around the town of denial
on well-worn souls
until it bored even me
& my pen for writing excuses
ran out of ink.

the only one left
was the red so i wrote it all over:
this is wrong & another mistake
scribbling heart-hurt messages until they tore through the pages,
crinkled stained & crumpled;
crushed beneath my sole.

suddenly the day came when there was nothing left
but grey cardboard & me & suddenly
the only part that shocked was how i managed to keep
my ability to stand
on these once unstable feet.