And Sadly I’m Still Here.

​I wish I had

A word erased for every one that got caught

For every thought I can’t shake an opposite;

Some cheap balm for useless wounds.
To erase letters to replace 

Single letters stacked before 

De words:

Disrepair and

Drink up,
I have a minute left to pretend so I’ll spill words:

Fresh paint

Stale soul
Roll thickly the layers so that they’ll replace 

Cover over and fill in all my gaps

Dry bubbles permanent craters against my skin

As desperate as I wait to be erased

And replaced by words in my cotton ears:
De-I’ll never do it again,

De-I didn’t mean it,

De-you’re the only one in my world.

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x 2 (thousand).

my experience:

the hardest part about learning to live
is to find
so many things to conquer again
for the first time.

like banner words & things.

words on strings,
flapping in the wind
like loose confetti.

too terrified to find us here, now,
we focus on the forevers
& the ‘when‘s —
the befores the yesterdays the never agains.

so caught up in remembering
we don’t remember to forget
&
the time sand-slips ever-on

whether or not we’re watching.

to the pieces that are afraid

i remember screaming
overwhelmed by how incredible
i encountered life;

tears welling because my body couldn’t contain
all the beauty my eyes were taking in.

slap-stuck diagnosis, bipolar
because i range the full spectrum:
soaring —

sinking —
& getting stuck.

asked the other day
would i give it up?
would i change my world if i had the chance?

don’t need to think of my answer, i know it,
no,
because maybe i’m not bipolar, because bipolar is just a word
& i’m just me.

poetry therapy.

dedicated to one of my wordpress friends 🙂

not sure from where they have come
but suddenly into existence
in bold lettering;
the scribbles i couldn’t speak —

slipping,

spilling out
in a clatter of click-clicks,
composing monotone music on these computer keys.

the release is like draining without plunging —
the depths of soul exposed;
tragedy broken down
into
thoughts that stay on these pages
& allow me to leave.

ebb & go.

my words are already getting muddy
they’re sticking to my feet like wet leaves
i’m losing touch
like smoke through my fingers you wash away despite my desperation
despite my screaming desperation
i am always losing.

or maybe my mind’s a liar because
i don’t recall enjoying it ever
until it’s gone

feels like what i’m walking on is disappeared

stumbling over keys & slipping away like the wind.

your words are so cold i swear i could skate on them.

quicker than the words unwritten
louder than the sounds unsaid
thinner than my fingers —
this water turned to glass
careful with my feet i went walking while
spider lines creak & sneak beneath

afraid if i stop i’ll sink
like sand into silver & i’m
unsure of how to swim in shards

without cutting up my wrists.