I wish I had
A word erased for every one that got caught
For every thought I can’t shake an opposite;
Some cheap balm for useless wounds.
To erase letters to replace
Single letters stacked before
I have a minute left to pretend so I’ll spill words:
Roll thickly the layers so that they’ll replace
Cover over and fill in all my gaps
Dry bubbles permanent craters against my skin
As desperate as I wait to be erased
And replaced by words in my cotton ears:
De-I’ll never do it again,
De-I didn’t mean it,
De-you’re the only one in my world.
dark rooms, love letters, the poetry
bad news, heartbreak, loveletters, poem, poet, poetry, prose, words, writing
the hardest part about learning to live
is to find
so many things to conquer again
for the first time.
bright lights, dark rooms, realizations, the process
experience, hi this is me, learning to live, life, poem, progress, prose, quotes, rebirth, second times the charm, short poems, the journey, things i've learned, words
words on strings,
flapping in the wind
like loose confetti.
too terrified to find us here, now,
we focus on the forevers
& the ‘ when‘s —
the befores the yesterdays the never agains.
so caught up in remembering
we don’t remember to forget
the time sand-slips ever-on
whether or not we’re watching.
bright lights, dark rooms, realizations, the poetry
bipolar disorder, confetti, playing with format, playing with sounds, poem, poetry, prose, regret, stories about how, time, wasting time, what once was, why can't i ever shorten the names of my poems?, words, yesterday
i remember screaming
overwhelmed by how incredible
i encountered life;
tears welling because my body couldn’t contain
all the beauty my eyes were taking in.
because i range the full spectrum:
& getting stuck.
asked the other day
would i give it up?
would i change my world if i had the chance?
don’t need to think of my answer, i know it,
because maybe i’m not bipolar, because bipolar is just a word
& i’m just me.
bright lights, diagnosis, realizations, the poetry
bipolar disorder, diagnosis, full spectrum, labels, learning to live, madness, over emotional, poem, poetry, prose, realizations, words
dedicated to one of my wordpress friends 🙂
not sure from where they have come
but suddenly into existence
in bold lettering;
the scribbles i couldn’t speak —
in a clatter of click-clicks,
composing monotone music on these computer keys.
the release is like draining without plunging —
the depths of soul exposed;
tragedy broken down
thoughts that stay on these pages
& allow me to leave.
bright lights, the poetry
bipolar disorder, bold lettering, computer keys, coping, creativity, disordered thoughts, existence, letters, poem, poetry, prose, therapy, thoughts, tributes, using our gifts, words, writing
my words are already getting muddy
they’re sticking to my feet like wet leaves
i’m losing touch
like smoke through my fingers you wash away despite my desperation
despite my screaming desperation
i am always losing.
or maybe my mind’s a liar because
i don’t recall enjoying it ever
until it’s gone
feels like what i’m walking on is disappeared
stumbling over keys & slipping away like the wind.
dark rooms, the poetry
anxiety, bipolar disorder, bipolar ii, depression, disappearing, poem, poetry, prose, regrets, words, yesterday
quicker than the words unwritten
louder than the sounds unsaid
thinner than my fingers —
this water turned to glass
careful with my feet i went walking while
spider lines creak & sneak beneath
afraid if i stop i’ll sink
like sand into silver & i’m
unsure of how to swim in shards
without cutting up my wrists.
dark rooms, the poetry
anxiety, bipolar, cold, depression, ice skating, poem, poetry, prose, self harm, winter, words