Monthly Archives: June 2012

by

my dream.

speaking the words i’d heard in my head
he said
in a language once familiar:
we can’t just…
casually pretend to collect our things
without realizing
we can’t keep slowly creeping towards
faded perfection

the words are a weight
because i know them true;
cross luck off my list

closure came right through my window
& i found myself thanking the sky quietly how i
was able to experience what i could
before i gave it away.

by

collecting selfdestruction in cups & running out of shelf space.

beautiful sunshine saturday
finds me

fighting urges to draw
pretty pictures on my wrists with razor blades;
just something to show i was here.

keeping pens away from my arms
of which i’m convinced would look better
stuck with holes from which
my soul could escape.

wasted youth on caring too much & not caring enough & now
my skin peels off in layers & i
barely notice.

wasting more clock circles
burning smokes down to where they sting my fingers
just the way i like;
another couple callouses
to add to my collection.

by

the cusp of not caring.

normally i’d be
too terrified to leave the house like this
but now i’m too mad to give a shit.

stomping out anger on flat feet & unforgiving concrete
skipping streets & just daring
cars to hit me.

do to me what i wish i had the willpower for
instead of just
meaningful self-destruction,
little scars & wrinkles in time that stain
& last forever.

tear me from
the life i’ve found running stale
like worn goods left over
with neon-orange stickers; buy now, on sale.

in this place i’ve found somehow
unique abilities like
being able to regret things that haven’t even happened yet
unfortunately i’ve found this is not
an employable skill.

tired of being
saved
tired of being looked at, lifted up,
floated just enough to survive
on caffeine old hope & smoke while i

turn my thoughts into scripture.

i think i’m
just tired of being.

today i must be feeling
optimistic for i find myself sitting on the couch
usually at times like these i’d be in the corner clinging to the floor to keep it from moving,

willing the world to stay still;
for once,
it does as i wish
& for one
sublime
second
i forget that i exist.

by

i’m a vessel stuck between two places i’ve never been.

relinquish is
such a pretty term for giving up;
prettier than getting stuck
& slipping
between notches of seconds on the clock.

sometimes

it feels i am forever
writing the same poems over
with just slightly different words.

by

with the wind comes a hundred thousand new beginnings.

trading
identities with dandelions;
feet for threads, green arms &
no mind at all.

sharing
being bitter & cut down despite sunshine smiles &
our ability to transform.

wishing
permanent parachutes to save me;
great heights, soft landings & time
to appreciate the view.

waiting, now,
for the wind to scatter me everywhere,
so i can start over
another hundred
thousand
times.

by

trying to catch time with no hands & no empty jars.

the only thing i find harder to catch
than my mind
is my tomorrow;
the day that fades elusive at night —
while i rest it doesn’t.

& when i awake all with anticipation i always find
somehow it has already escaped

& has pushed forward without me.

by

turning 27 into 72.

while i was wondering,
worrying,
waiting it out..
not noticing,
ignoring,
& ever-neverminding..

i became convinced that the clock ran out of time
instead of just batteries.

the boxes on the calender in which i couldn’t fit
made trade for some petals i blew away;
small moments in time that could have belonged to
anyone.

i fill my time full with regrets;
full of un-crossed-off lists that stack & turn yellow,
full of thoughts of things i didn’t do but should’ve,
things i’ve unwittingly given up, the

things i can never get back.

some have been gone for so long
i’ve forgotten they once had names.

but instead of reflecting &
gathering what is left of my gold i am
watching my reflection fading,
waiting
worrying
remorsing &

letting the thieves sneak back in through the window to
swallow up the rest.